The most difficult thing we treat in counseling is neglect. It is at the root of everything we work with in counseling. Neglect being defined as “the absence of something that was supposed to be there” as opposed to abuse, which is “the presence of something that was not supposed to be there”. Neglect leaves a hole, or “a hole in the hole”. Each of us has a soul hole. That God given hole in the middle of us that is designed to be filled with God’s love. It fills from the bottom up. The first or foundational layer is our parent’s love. Without that foundation something is missing. Our parent’s love is the first idea we have of what God’s love is. If either or both parents are missing due to neglect there is a hole in the hole. That hole must be filled. Parents do not always intentionally mean to leave a hole. It could be due to intentional or unintended physical neglect but it is usually emotional neglect and usually by the father or paternal neglect.
At the root of all addictions is neglect, usually paternal neglect. We hunger to be fulfilled. God intended the soul hole to be filled with His love. If it is not, through our parents neglecting their role either intentionally or unintentionally, it leaves a hole. We find ways to fill the hole; counterfeits for God’s love. Addictions are counterfeit ways we look for fulfillment to fill the hole that neglect leaves. The hole must be filled. It was designed to be filled with God’s love but if we don’t have God’s love or our parent’s love we find other ways to find fulfillment. At the root of addiction is neglect. Neglect is at the root of everything we work with in counseling.