There are five different ways to give and receive love. We tend to give love, as we would like to receive it. However, the person we are trying to love may not receive it in the same way. This makes our efforts frustrating. Therefore it is helpful to understand both how we receive love and give love and how the person we are trying to love receives love and gives it.

Everything we experience in the world comes through our five senses. Therefore our experience of love or being loved also comes through our five senses. Each sense registers love or being loved differently.

The Five Ways We Love

The sense of sight gives and receives love through action. If I give love on this sense I will do something for the one I love. I may do a normal household task or something else that they may visibly see I love them through my actions. If I receive love on this sense I will appreciate the things someone who loves me does for me.

The sense of hearing gives and receives love through words and tones. If I give love on this sense I will speak kind and loving words in a loving tone. Both are necessary to express love on this sense. If my words are not kind or my tone is not loving the person whom I am trying to love will not receive it. If I receive on this sense I will appreciate and respond to loving words said in a loving tone of voice.

The sense of touch gives and receives love through non-sexual touch. If I give love on this sense I will physically touch the one I am trying to love. If I receive love on this sense I will need to be physically touched to feel loved. This is not sexual touch.

The sense of smell gives and receives love in two different ways. We use smell to measure time. We can tell if something is fresh or stale or new or old by our sense of smell. We tell the seasons of the year and often the time of day whether morning or night by the way things smell. That is also how we measure time with the one we are trying to love. If I give or receive on this sense it will be important for me to spend time with the one I am trying to love or they with me if they are trying to love me. Also sex is expressed on this sense. We can of course see it more clearly in the animal kingdom; however, in human beings it is our sense of smell that communicates to us sexually as well as the other senses that can be arousing depending how we give and receive love.

The sense of taste gives and receives love through gifts. Many gifts are gifts of food. We often consider gifts in good taste. Our appetite is often wetted and our mouth drools as we consider what someone may be giving us. If we give love on this sense we give gifts. If we receive love on this sense we like gifts from the one we love who is trying to love us.

How would you like to be loved? If you could only be loved in one way would you want someone to do something for you, say something to you, touch you, spend time with you or have sex with you, or give you a gift. In return, how do you like to give love? Do you want to do something for the one you are trying to love, tell them something in a loving way with a loving tone of voice, touch them physically, spend time with them or have sex with them, or give them a gift?

Print & complete the Giving & Receiving Love Profile it with your loved one.

After determining how you love and want to be loved, interview the one you are trying to love or be loved by. How do they want to be loved and how have they been trying to love you? Rank order their responses below and compare how your ratings to theirs. Where do you match and where are you different. Love is always sacrificial. That is why loving someone is often not "natural" as in the way you love or want to be loved.