Why does it seem to take more time to get ready to take time off? Americans take less time off than any other developed country. We are working more hours and by every sign being compensated less during this down economy. I continue to hear story after story of companies and bosses taking advantage of the down economy and the lack of jobs to get more out of their employees without compensating them more. I cannot but wonder what will happen when the economy improves. Where will the loyalty be then? You reap what you sow. Companies cannot take advantage of employees now and expect them to stay when the economy improves and other opportunities present themselves.

Helping Hearts Heal,

Dr. Dan

Many adult children are returning home or not leaving to begin with. It used to be the thinking that when a child reached 18 they were legally and financially independent and should be on their own. Then society realized that 18 was too young so we should ensure children were ready and able to survive independently and most suggested waiting until young adulthood was reached at 21 or 22, college, military, or trade school was finished and the young adult could be on their own.

Now the thinking is emerging that 21 or 22 or maybe even 25 is too young to expect our children to survive on their own without needing assistance or support in an ever increasingly complex social and technical culture. What then should be the age parents should expect their children to be independent where parents can enjoy their children but not feel the need to be their financially or physically for the child's survival?

One way to think about this is to reason backward. If people are living longer, and they are, what is now middle age? When will people retire? Thirty used to seem old, but with the changes in aging the developmental stages are changing as well. Yes, 11 and 12 year olds are becoming physically more mature at younger ages, but the realization is gradually dawning all levels of society that our children are not ready for independence and maturity emotionally, socially, and financially until they reach their 30s. What a shock this is for both the child and the parents. Ninety per cent of adult children are ready to be independent by 30, but for many 30 is the age they need to reach to be independent.

Think of the profound changes this will create in the way we raise our children and their expectations on leaving home as well as the parent's expectations on when the child is ready and able. to leave.

Helping Hearts Heal,

Dr. Dan

There is a lot of information out there. "Out there" being defined as the web/internet. As I scroll through the content of the day that comes across my screen I realize much of what passes for information lacks wisdom and knowledge. In an attempt to be first or faster much of what is thrown out is either repetitive or not factual. Yes there is a lot of good sites and content, but the consumer also needs to be discriminating. It is easy to get "sucked into" a blog that passes for research or even research that passes itself as thorough and well done. Much of the information taken for gospel as it passes back and forth across the web has no solid foundation.

Perhaps it is good to slow done and reflect on what we read and not just read and repeat. Is it wise, is it valid, is it researched or is it opinion? Not that opinion is bad. That's what this is, but it needs to be identified as opinion and not passed off as fact.

Helping Hearts Heal,

Dr. Dan L. Boen